Friday, September 30, 2011

Happy Friday: Don't Look Back in Anger

I am still meaning to provide my Polo style guide (I went to the Polo last weekend and spent a few solid 10 minute sets wondering what to wear), however I really must fill you in on the gossip of the day. Somewhat more important, yes?

As you are probably painfully aware, I had an icky break-up not so long ago. Of course I put into action my own constant advice re break-ups - including elements from the Ali-inspired Project Dignity - as well as some very nice new lipstick thanks very much and before I knew it, not only was I back on my happy little feet but I had ALSO scored myself a lovely new boyfriend. But we all already know that.

However. Today's little story is not about the nice new boyfriend. It is about the not-so-nice ex-boyfriend.

It is a fact of life that when you have moved on, your ex will somehow find a way to reappear and set you off kilter - whether in a minor or majorly catastrophic manner.

Oh, I'm smiling? Great timing for my ex to reappear!

And so it was,last Sunday afternoon as I stomped the divets on the polo field. Right in front of me was the ex. Whom I walked past in fits of giggles with my girlfriend. OF COURSE! Remember how dignified Vivian from Pretty Woman was when she was accosted by George (Seinfeld name I know, but that's all I can possibly know him as)? I was channeling that.

Later in the marquee, my lovely friends formed a human shield to ensure he didn't come near me (this was after I'd advised them there was no way in Hell I'd be going over to exchange pleasantries myself). So that was that. No speaking, and no real eye contact to speak of. And I was quite happy with that outcome, too.

Not surprisingly, the following day I receive the electronic equivalent of a bird shitting on my head: a seemingly innocuous email from my ex-boyfriend suggesting a catch-up. Surprising as I was blissfully unaware it was going to happen, highly inconvenient as I now had a mess to clean up, and with the potential (potential, folks - and not realised in this instance) to ruin my day. A bird shit on the head I tells you!

The email caused a flare-up of all kinds of rage in me. How DARE he? How DARE he not have the balls to come and say hello to me when he'd seen me? How DARE he think he could even intrude on my lovely happy life again, when he'd caused me so much goddamn angst and confusion! How DARE he throw the "friends" word around!

Obviously this was my first reaction. :o)

As we know, the basic premise of Project Dignity is to ensure that one maintains her dignity in the aftermath of either a break-up or other romantic mishap.

So obviously stabbing out a furious email response is simply not an option. And by the time I got over the initial indignation, I was over it anyway. I was into solid "fuck you" and "haven't you got a hide?" territory. And THEN I thought "eugh, can I even be bothered with this person?"

So what do we dignified folk do next? On the one hand, he doesn't deserve my time. On the other, is a 30 minute coffee the more dignified and mature response? A very firm: hello, nice to see you (kind of), hope you're doing well so that when we do bump into each other again (inevitable, I'm guessing) it isn't weird, awkward or nasty.

I don't want to stoop to gutter warfare, and nor do I wish to invite him in to my life. I would merely like it to be coolly pleasant. It was what it was, I felt how I felt and that is kind of that.

So. To politely coffee or to not politely coffee? That, my dignified friends, is the question.


A Sunny Disposition said...

No coffee. Polite thanks but I'm pretty busy at the moment - hope you're well. Buh-bye. Do you really need to open that book again?? No sir-ee. It's just a little plop of bird shit that you can rinse off under the tap and move on with no lingering effects. But if you don't wash it off straight away, it might stain your pretty dress........ (does that actually make sense..? in my head it does!)


Rachel said...

You are so right!!! I am so ashamed at thinking of his feelings. No more of that! My focus is on the future, not the past! Not long til Paris!!!