Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Shoesday: These Boot(ie)s Are Made for Walkin' Over You or Project Dignity

Ali has commenced Project Dignity - read about it here. (I would ordinarily comment, but lately I've had massive comment issues... I think Google doesn't like that the sign-in for this blog is different to my gmail sign-in. I can't figure out how to transfer it to my gmail. Confused? Me too).

Project Dignity. In a nutshell, a project to ensure that one maintains her dignity in the aftermath of either a break-up or other romantic mishap.

Step One: Remove him as your friend on Facebook. Hellz yes. Immediately! You will probably find that the subject of removal does not enjoy such removal as, while you are healthily moving on without the tools at your disposal to engage in serious stalker behaviour, they would still like to stalk you from time to time. Just to know what you’re up to, of course. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that boys don’t like you moving on from them (even if they’ve got a new squeeze) and equally they don’t like the power imbalance that occurs when they realise they’ve been removed as a “friend” in circumstances beyond their control.

Read a book, not his wall.

Step Two: Allow him to engage with you – if you must – but only when he initiates contact, and only in a cool-heads kind of way. I am often torn between playing it cold (to the point of Ice Queen) to ensure they are aware of their poor behaviour, to being Miss Bubbly 2011 (or whatever year it is) so as they must see how little their actions have affected me – to the point that I am more happy not interacting them than I was previously. It’s a tough call. Best bet: go for the middle line. Be an Ice Queen in the sense that you’re not seeking him out, and if you’re fine with interactions (sometimes you just can’t!) then be your usual pleasant self. Don’t go overboard with Miss Bubbly because it can look fake and you can’t maintain it if it’s not you… But walking around like a sourpuss because of his behaviour does you no favours. Laugh and the world laughs with you…

That's right... You're nice to him, but he messed you around and you haven't forgotten!

Step Three: Only the Circle of Trust (COT) may know of your pain/confusion/frustration. Telling your mutual friends of how hurt you are should not occur, unless they are your COT and not his. If they’re more his COT than yours, then say nothing. Miss Bubbly must come in to play. Further, any attempts to tell “your side of the story” may be construed as “crazy” later on down the track. Take the high road. A simple “he chose his destiny” or “it’s really no big deal, I just thought it was a little weird on his part” should suffice. And of course, you are like, whatever about it right now because you have so many other pots bubbling away. Screw him, and screw his friends. You’re not there to provide them with some juicy gossip for them to discuss later. The less you say, the sooner people stop talking about it. Be like a Royal and keep your trap shut. (Soooo hard – especially when you’re the wronged party!). But bitch to your own COT as much as you please (but not so they get sick of hearing his name).

Circle of trust wins every time.

Any other steps for Project Dignity? It really is all about playing your own game, and not getting dragged into the dramas other people like to create for themselves. Next!



Phuong said...

Ali, really sorry to hear you are going through a rough time but good for you for implementing Project Dignity. Completely agree with Rachel re: circle of trust xx

A Sunny Disposition said...

Love it love it love it!! All so true - geez you are good at dispensing advice Rach!!! Yep - your advice is definitely my plan. He is back at work 2 weeks from tomorrow. Have hardly even thought about him today so moving on already, and with my new hair cut and colour schedule for this weekend, I will be a new and improved me and our brief episode of 'possibility' will be nothing but a distant memory.

Onwards and upwards xxx