I Never Want To Live Here

Longyearbyen in Norway sounds like hell (although interestingly, they have a "no dying" policy - if you become gravely ill you are shipped off somewhere else, and if you die you have to be buried elsewhere after it was discovered that bodies weren't decomposing due to the cold this is a great location for those who wish to be cryogenically frozen - no scientist costs):

• A summer's day lasts from March until October, but it doesn't get warm - people are still rugged up at the height of summer;
• In winter, the darkness lasts for months - children attempt to brighten up their world by sticking yellow paper to windows to create artificial sunlight (good to see the imagination is alive and kicking);
• The local physio clinic specialises in stretching courses to ensure all the muscles are being used as a result of the thick winter clothing residents need to wear restricting their movements (dear Lord...);
• The kindergarten teacher carries a gun - not because she's gone postal from the shiteous weather, but because of polar bears circling the kindy (the polar bears clearly haven't gotten the memo about the "no-death" policy);
• Every student attending the local university spends their first day learning how to shoot polar bear. Fun. For hell.

Things to remember about a polar bear:

• If you happen to be armed, aim for the chest not the smaller target of the head;
• If you are unarmed when you encounter a bear, toss your mittens on the snow to distract it (personally, I don't see this one working);
• If Mr Polar Bear snaps its teeth with a smacking sound, you're a goner. Put up a fight, but don't expect to win;
• If you happen to beat Mr Polar Bear to a pulp - or shoot him in the chest - you must inform the governor (I'm imagining an evil Sunnydale mayor here...) as it is strictly forbidden to hunt polar bears. Even though it's ok for polar bears to hunt children at kindergarten. Go figure.