Essentials for the Modern Torture Chamber

• Shackles
• Bucket of water
• Bright light
• Electric node thingy
• No food
• Whips
• Chains
• Mean, physically intimidating person (dobermans optional)
• Bee Gees CD

David Gray (irritating warbler - I'm not surprised) has recently complained about his music being used in interrogations of terrorist suspects.

Top of the pops in "Guantanamo's Greatest Hits" are the theme to Sesame Street, White America - Eminem; Enter Sandman - Metallica; Stayin' Alive- The Bee Gees; American Pie - Don McLean; and the all-time favourite Dirrty - Christina Aguilera. Apart from being incredibly annoying - particularly when played on continuous loop, apparently these songs are sufficiently abhorrent to the culturally pious terrorist inmates, that they are enough to extract a confession.

This is some rather serious torture when you consider what else they're combining this with: sleep deprivation, continuous blinding light, isolation. Add in some physical battering, and you have to wonder how reliable a confession would be when given in these circumstances. Irrespective of the song - as an ageing hag, I can understand the feeling of your head about to explode when music is played loud enough for long enough. I'm pretty sure I would happily say that I had undertaken pilot training courses in Afghanistan for some relief from XXXtina.