Otherwise known as cancelling at the last minute, committing to something you have no plan on attending and cancelling at the last minute, or - more dramatically - breaking your social contract - either verbal or written (usu. via text) - to attend an event.
I'm sure we've all flaked out on an invitation last minute befoe for variously good or bad excuses - primarily so we may finish Season 3 of Mad Men in peace - however it is now becoming a social phenomenon. And people are walking around nashing their teeth feeling either (a) enraged as they have been flaked on so much that they wonder why they bother sending Facebook invites anymore; or (b) anxious that they overcommit and discover their online persona cannot fill in for them at events in their (human) place. Oh, what a tangled web we weave!
Sarah Wilson has a manifesto for preventing becoming a serial social flake:
1. Respond to all requests. If it takes less than a minute, do it straight away.
2. If the invite is flakey, push back for firmness. My friend “Z” sends out emails, “shall we catch up on the weekend”. I write back “love to, tell me what you have in mind, and when”. When she comes back with a firm invite, then I reward her efforts by jumping in enthusiastically.
3. Book up in advance. I’ve come to accept this is cool. My friend “Ali” will request dinner in 3 weeks’ time. It’s a firm request. I know she doesn’t flake. Once it’s in the diary I actually look forward to it. Because it’s firm.
4. Flake as little as possible. It’s not good for the spirit to have such loose boundaries. It puts out a wobbly energy. And that’s what you’ll get back.
5. First in best dressed. Yep, sometimes a better offer comes in. But if you’ve committed, don’t flip. You never really know if something will be better than something else. When I spoke to Caroline Myss the other day she said she chooses by going with the first thing. Bang. Done. Committed. Good.
6. All that said flake if you need to. But flake firm. That is, write a considered email or make a care-full call to say you will not be making it. A piffy text fired off at the traffic lights also sends out really wobbly energy.
Click on the pic to read the brillianissimo article by Sarah Wilson.
**********
Do you piss off your friends by being flaky? Do you start far many text messages and emails with 'So sorry to do this, but ...'
I had a friend who was like that - unfortunately her ability to tell lies was appalling, so I always knew when she was lying. Since I am one of those strange creatures who remembers every slight to my intelligence in this manner, it used to rile me no end - particularly as the excuses piled up. She was a serial flaker, most definitely! I have caught myself been flaky in the past - I just love saying yes! - but it has reduced lately. I have learnt to prioritise and make time for the people who actually matter, rather than promising to attend things just to please a so-so friend. It is far less stressful!
If you feel the need to vent your flaky friend frustration, you can do it here.
1 comment:
Love this post. While i don't enjoy being flaked on, I can sympathize with a flaker, because I often want to flake. And while I'm generally pretty good at keeping my commitments, I usually say yes in the moment, when i should have said - I'll need to get back to you. It's so hard to strike a balance between wanting to live spontaneously but needing to live to schedules. And then there's that "I never regret saying yes, vs one should learn to say no." I'm wobbling all over the place! x
Post a Comment