Friday, April 11, 2014

Happy Friday: Gonna Party Like It's Your Birthday

Gonna drink Bacardi like it's your birthday.

Hey Gangastasssssss....! It was my birthday during the week - hooray! So this weekend I am using the anniversary of my birth to allow friends to buy me lunch, coffee, all manner of sparkling beverages and the occasional gift. Milk it, I say!

But one thing that happens with every birthday, is the hangover - which appears less as a creeping surprise, and more of a spine-jarring, body-wracking smack in the face of headachy, carbohydrate-craving horror. Yes, as we age, hangovers manifest and hang around for days longer than we would like.

In recognition of this fact, I have started to curtail my partying ways. As someone previously nicknamed "Boozer" by friends, this is quite a change, although surprisingly, not so difficult to implement. Hangover-free Saturdays are such a treat, more so, hangover-free Sundays. Lately my drinks have been watered down to more manageable shots, with my favourite currently being a discovery from Argentina: the Aperol spritzer.

Aperol is bright orange in colour and made of a combination of bitter and sweet oranges and herbs (including rhubarb) and all sorts of other funny flavours. Once you swizzle it in with some prosecco and soda water (so Italian it makes my eyes water), the Aperol spritzer tastes like a warm summer night following on from a day at the polo. I am not kidding. It is exactly what you will envisage if you close your eyes and have a sip.

No, this blog was not sponsored by Aperol, although if they'd like to send me a bottle that would be fine.
If you are unable to kick the habit, or you know you have a big night ahead of you, I am now going to give you my top-secret, not-so-fail-safe guide to hopefully avoiding a hangover (there are no guarantees in life):

Pre-Festivity Preparation
And so the marathon begins. As well as ensuring you look marvelous, do this:
  • Drink a Berocca
  • Chase it down with a Panadol and a big glass of water
  • Have a sandwich which is delicious but not so flavoursome that if you burp you can smell your sandwich. That is disgusting. Pasta is also fine. Just line your stomach (but not so much your tummy sticks out - you'll be miserable all night).
  • Ensure your mascara/eyeliner is waterproof. Sometimes when you drink it mysteriously falls down your face, even if you haven't been crying because you've been spewing in the toilets. Take all steps to avoid makeup slippage, but also pay attention - oftentimes your makeup will tell you you're drunk before your body does. Listen to the eyeliner!

At The Festivities
This stuff is so obvious, but I'm going to say it anyway:
  • Drink water every now and again.
  • If there is non-stinky food, eat it. Just don't loiter by the food table all night. It's actually anti-social.
  • Take a break between drinks / attempt not to skull / try not to do shots. If you went to college, or if you were part of a small, somewhat incestuous environment that encouraged binge drinking within limited timeframes (usually in costume), you will understand how tough this is, but you've got to go slow - too fast and you'll be drunk without knowing it. It's ok to hold your drink in your hand for a while.
  • Definitely dance on a baby grand piano if it is acceptable to dance on it.

  • Don't be an asshole - saying you were "so drunk, I can't even remember" is a lame excuse, and your friends will rarely if ever forgive that type of behavior, unless it was actually really funny in hindsight. Play nice.
  • Ask your eyeliner how it's going.
  • Selfies should be left for the beginning of the night when you're fresh as a daisy and gorgeous.

The Way Home
  • Pizza or a kebab or a Grill'd burger. Eat it. Why not splurge and get a bottle of water while you're at it?
  • If it's safe enough to, walk home. Studies have proven that a 20 minute stumble home aids sobriety and reduces the severity of hangovers 4-fold. ONLY IF IT'S SAFE. (If it's safe, pre-plan and jam some thongs into your handbag at the Pre-Festivities stage).
When You Get Home
  • Drink water. Have another Panadol.
  • Eat something, if you haven't already. Now that there is a toaster nearby, Vegemite toast is a winner. Ham & cheese toasties are even better, but don't burn your tongue!
  • Wash your make-up off.
  • Drink water.
  • Turn off your phone - no drunk-texting/snapchatting.
The Morning After
  • Breakfast with friends (preferably the ones you went out with the night before). It is essential to find out what outrageous acts you may have performed while under the influence.
  • If there is no one to eat with, Vegemite toast is a faithful friend.
  • Panadol with water if necessary (I do not have a painkiller addiction).
  • Wash your face again. Somehow eyeliner just hangs around.
  • Try to resist the need to broadcast how CRAY-CRAY and MESSY VANESSY you got last night via all avenues of social media. Doth protest too much.

If your head hurts, it's not my fault. You probably forgot one of the many Panadol-pit stops along the way.

Of course, as an old lady, I don't do that shit anymore... ;o)

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