Monday, November 8, 2010

Hot Tip: The Stuck Zipper

How many times have you stood in a change room, face gradually turning a darker shade of red, sweat gathering on your brow, hair in your eyes and making you crazy, ability to breathe rapidly diminishing as you realise that the dress that is stuck with your arms poking out the top and also somehow twisted around your kneck you in a most uncomfortable fashion will not be coming off until the f#*$cking zip comes down? And the zip is stuck of course.

Obviously, the key thing here is to remember that a piece of silk wrapped around your shoulders, kneck and head is not going to kill you (unless you've really p*ssed someone off) - so just breathe and rememer that this moment isn't going to last forever. If you don't have anyone around that you trust sufficiently to see you in your granny knickers (why is it that we wear the worst underwear when we end up in change rooms?) and who can yank the dress back down then some serious wriggle action is required. Possibly also some jumping and simultaneous tugging.

Once the dress is back in place somewhat, it comes time to get that zipper moving. And how, pray tell, does one do this without exercising brute force?

Here's how:
1. Gather lead pencil (with lead in it).
2. Rub the lead part of the pencil along the teeth of the zip. (If zip is stuck, try to rub pencil in around the stuck parts too).
3. Suck in stomach.
4. Gently wiggle zip up.
5. If gentle wiggling doesn't work, repeat steps 2-4.
6. If step 6 doesn't work, utilise brute force.
7. Marvel at fact that dress done up. Don't think about how you'll get it off later.
8. Send email to Rachel saying "cheers for the hot tip".

I have a feeling this lady doesn't actually want her zip to come undone.

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