You're A Liar and a Cheater

Not that I've had much time to obsess over RAFW what with work and study ruining my life at the moment, but I have seen the headlines (blackouts, lack of creativity, recession gloom, Lara Bingle, Paul Keating who I just adore - best headline ever). So far RAFW is a bit of a disappointment by all accounts. I actually really enjoyed the pics from Diet Coke's LBD show - all the designers featured in RAFW ced their own LBDs, and I really love the linkage and product placement there. I mean, the Coca-Cola bottle is what we're trying to create when we slip into a LBD anyway, right? I really like Alice McCall's black & white creations.

I will admit to disappointment re Camilla + Marc. While they've never been crazily fashion forward, they have always been a little quirky and relatively individual. Individual in the sense you can look at something and say - "Is that Camilla + Marc?" with a bit of breathlessness mixed in with envy.  They are way into mini skirts, mini dresses, mini minis. I love that shit.  But I love it because it's so obviously them.  This, however, is most obviously Balmain Fall/Winter 09:

 

 Camilla + Marc comes first (but not really - if you catch my drift).

Dating Lunacy Part 1

I once slept with a guy because he had the same birth date as me. Unfortunately, he wasn't the same birth year  as well, which kind of defeated the whole purpose of the little "experiment", which was primarily to see what sleeping with myself would be like.  This is potentially arrogance at its most visible, or stupidity at its stellar best. I suppose only an Aries could think this was a good idea.  Although, his clinginess post-shagging and need to understand our apparent "connection" was possibly a little like me several years ago, certainly not right now and he was older. Go figure. So I suppose - the same birth date does not actually = the same personality, which puts in jeopardy my firm belief in astrology (yada yada - location, year, alignment of moon etc). Startlingly, you can never really shag yourself with yourself in the two-people-in-the-room context.  

Friday Post: Colour Me Bad

Ball season is on its way. I have no idea what to wear.... Although in my daydreams there's always a set of false eyelashes.

Try to be different or get a different disease

Seems it's in fashion to need the cold sore cream. See below for when dirty tackorama advertising happens to "high end" couture. Nassssty.

Or maybe this is anti-drugs? Like... Every particle up your nose is one costly step away from that designer dress you were craving.  Although keep up the drugs - you will at least look malnourished enough to pull it off.

Yeah. Bestiality. Hot. Yeah.

I think the obvious question here is ... Where did the other shoe go?

Ok. So D&G's marketing people had no idea about the sensitivities surrounding gang rape in Australia when they made this ad... But Vogue et al sure knew about it. Needless to say, it didn't run for long here in Australia. But... regardless of local issues. Is the sex-ing up of rape - gang rape - really necessary? Sure, some women just love a good gang bang every now and again, but she's being held down, she doesn't look overly engaged (i.e. like she's consenting) and those guys are just waiting their turn. It's not exactly a pleasure fest here.

I like to go there in my sleep, aren't any floors for me to sweep

By now you've seen the youtube clip of Susan Boyle's star turn on Britain's Got Talent.  If you haven't, you may have also missed the considerable hype, particularly surrounding the little hip swivel she gives before her performance which according to one journalist had all of England clenching their collective buttocks in shame. Shit, she's even got her own Wikipedia entry, which is quite a feat for the ordinary person (who doesn't have a personality disorder causing them to create their own entry).  And the story is not just about Susan's obvious talent, it's about how the crowd reacted to her before she performed - the sneers, titters and behind-the-hand comments.  Sam de Brito suggests it's because she doesn't know her place in our strictly defined poor-rich, pretty-ugly society.  Possibly so.

I was far more intrigued by Mystic Medusa's take.  Click on the link and check out what Mystic has to say (I am obsessed with Mystic Medusa, and I cannot function without reading the weekly stars in The Weekend Australian magazine. Call me crazy, but she is always, always freakishly spot on).  

What is Susan's message do you suppose? Is it in the lyrics? Not surprisingly, she got a good dose of bullying as a child (she was born with a mild disability, which made her an easy target for bullies, plus, let's face it. That caterpillar masquerading as a unibrow isn't doing her many favours).  As she says: "words often hurt more than cuts and bruises and the scars are still there".  She also grieved for many, many years following the death of her mother - the woman who encouraged her talent, and I can only assume tried to patch up those emotional scars when her daughter came home disconsolate after another dose of local village taunts.  Her motivation for entering the show was to make her mother proud, and I wonder if she is yet over the loss of the one person to stand in her corner, to even encourage her and recognise what makes Susan special. If we can't rely on our mum to do that for us, then things can be tough (consider David Chase's own miserable relationship with his mother and the decades of therapy, which guided the development of Livia Soprano: the hideous creature also known as  Tony's mother in the hit drama The Sopranos).  In the run-up to the audition, Susan practised in the bedroom that she has slept in (alone - she's a self confessed virgin) since she was a child, holding her hairbrush in front of the mirror.  "Well, that's what everyone does".

I Dreamed A Dream is one of those haunting songs from Les Miserables that sends you right back to the miserable poverty and hopelessness that pervaded the lives of the poor in 18th Century France.  Fantine sings this at the height of her loneliness and destitution.

There was a time when men were kind

When their voices were soft

And their words inviting

There was a time when love was blind

And the world was a song

And the song was exciting

There was a time

Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by

When hope was high

And life worth living

I dreamed that love would never die

I dreamed that God would be forgiving

Then I was young and unafraid

And dreams were made and used and wasted

There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night

With their voices soft as thunder

As they tear your hope apart

And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side

He filled my days with endless wonder

He took my childhood in his stride

But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me

That we will live the years together

But there are dreams that cannot be

And there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be

So different from this hell I'm living

So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed.

The Hi-Fi

With my impending journey home to Oz, I was very excited to hear that Brisbane is finally getting another live music venue that will add to the scene already populated by such venues as the Tivoli, the Zoo and the Troubadour.

The Hi-Fi replaces the old Pavilion in West End and I think is aimed at filling the void left by the unfortunate demise of Festival Hall.

The Hi-Fi has its opening gig by the Drones on 29 April. Upcoming gigs include Little Birdy, The Grates, Ratatat (supported by Brisbane's own Quan from Regurgitator -go see him, we saw him in HK a few months ago and he is awesome!) and British India.

The addition of a new and larger venue means more gigs and touring artists in Brisbane - yay!

Pity they are not opening a branch in Hong Kong or Singapore at that...

I Can Tell You Rock I Can Tell By Ya Charm

Wanna trick those gold diggers? Hide the fact that you, like the other 90% of the population, have an iPhone? Want to symbolically rebel against the mass consumerism of Apple without actually rebelling? Downgrade, bitches.

Zweiphone have released these downgrade stickers for your iPhone. Trick the punters into thinking you still have an old brick of a Nokia.  Just make sure you hide your Longine or Tag while you're making that call. Make them guess a little why don't you?

Last Night You Said You Know It Felt So Good

I "popped out" for "a quick drink" planning on "being in bed by midnight". Sober, of course.  Destiny had other plans.

I skipped the line (latest line to work on bouncers these days is a low-cut top, tight pants and "I'm with a party - Fiona's going away" said with all the breezy confidence in the world) and entered a maxed-out, glammed-up garden of Eden.  Cloudland is the newest bar on the Brisbane scene, and there is truly nothing like it in Brisbane. Designed by the folk responsible for The Press Club and Family, you can imagine there will be quite a bit of opulence (and tricky stairs - think the upper stairs at Family).  It's open air, with a glass ceiling activated at the flick of a switch. 

This place is like The Magic Garden (on an acid trip) for adults, with each component of the bar offering a gorgeous new corner of the world. There's the Middle Eastern harem inspired room in the upstairs lounge, with what looks like a mass of old Dahlek's bodies stretched across the wall right next door - a little Ned Kelly-like incision indicates that behind the Dr Who graveyard is a private lounge.  Plants wind themselves around the bar and appear in the most unlikely of places - tufts of grass poke through the stairs, and vines rope themselves around the bottles of gin. Thousands of glass balls arc their way across the upstairs bar, and hanging chairs that seat at least 5 swing around down below, and with the vines all around you could be mistaken for thinking you're in the Amazon (depending on the amount of absinthe you've imbibed...). There is also an unusual bronze wire statue which is part C-3PO from Star Wars, and part - depending on how you tilt your head - Jesus. Trip out. Without the tooth decay.

The bar is pitched at over 25s and Cloudland definitely lives up to that requirement. The bar itself was packed all night, and when I stumbled out at about 1am, there was a line stretching around the corner.  Personally, I'm not one to be that desperate to get into a club, but it is pretty amazing and the classiness of the crowd means you don't endure the sweaty, Red Bull breathing men, or 20 yr old girls decked out head to toe in matching Supre, shrieking to one another about Gossip Girl and "oh my god that picture is, like, totally going to be my new Facebook profile pic". I sound like a crotchety old woman, but I really find these vacuous girls tiresome.  They are clones of one another, they dress, talk and (assuming they engage in such activities) think the same. They are nightclub prey. Roadkill in other cases. 

Welcome to the jungle, baby

Anyway - get your good selves to Cloudland once you get to Brisvegas. The trippy, other-worldly vibe will have you forgetting well and truly that you're studying all day tomorrow so will be going home at 11:30. Sober. Bollocks.

Is that a contraceptive in your pants

Or are you just happy to see me?

"Sex is a major part of young people’s lives so you should always be prepared. You never know what will happen. When you are getting ready to go out or whatever, just put a condom in your undies and then a couple of hours later it can certainly come in handy if you’ve forgotten about it.”

-Dan Murray, 18 yr old founder of Sly Undies, (protected) sex fiend

Dan Murray is the latest Young Gun to have been discovered by ABC TV's Cataylst program, for his Sly Undies - a pair of blokes underpants with a little pocket for condoms (and potentially drugs - the dimensions look about right - the first test pair on a certain MP's son with 180 pills in his jocks during another Qld Police drug bust at Family late last year didn't quite work, so the dimensions were revised down a little). I kid, I kid.

Dan sells his undies (condoms included) at music festivals - all the places you go, randomly pick up and realise drunkenly that neither of you have the requisite protection.  I can just imagine them selling 4 pairs to a guy at a festival, when all he wants is the little packet inside the undies - that's a sex session almost as costly as Indecent Proposal. What with STDs resurging amongst the kids again these days (no grim reaper ads to scare the pants off - and the condoms on - the little hornbags), and a stated predilection for unprotected sex amongst the immortal Gen Y, it's time people got a little more serious. No glove no love (until you trade blood tests) and all that.  The other great thing about these undies is that they're brightly coloured! No more tighty-whities. And we girls all know that we don't just look for Calvin Klein at the waistband of a boy's jocks. We like colour, and... Something about a package. Distraction.

Next up should most definitely be a girls line - girls need love gloves too. 

Burning Question of the Day

Just who is Gwyneth referring to when she mentions her "frenemy" on the latest Goop newsletter?

Back in the day, I had a “frenemy” who, as it turned out, was pretty hell-bent on taking me down. This person really did what they could to hurt me. I was deeply upset, I was angry, I was all of those things you feel when you find out that someone you thought you liked was venomous and dangerous. I restrained myself from fighting back. I tried to take the high road. But one day I heard that something unfortunate and humiliating had happened to this person. And my reaction was deep relief and…happiness. There went the high road.

I'm kinda digging that she had the guts to say that - but I guess she's all Kabbalah now, and it doesn't matter

Is it J.Lo? Remember aaages ago - before any of these ladies had babies or wedding rings - J.Lo said of Gwyneth: "I swear to God, I don’t remember anything she was in.” And we all know Ben Affleck's spinning around with strippers which signalled the absolute end of the Bennifer (Lopez, anyway) relationship would have been pretty humiliating. I mean, he could have cheated on her with Giselle or something. 

1950s Kitsch + Violent Femme

Ever had one of those moments when you've had a shitty, annoying phone call and all you want to do is just SLAM the phone down in frustration/to express in one simple action your I-told-you-so-and-yet-you-still-throw-it-back-in-my-face-you-FOOL/or just good old face-saving irrational rage, only to be thwarted by the puny little red hang up button on your mobile phone? Sometimes a sharp SNAP of your phone just doesn't cut it. That's where yubz comes in.

HK designers have come together to conduct your rage in a healthy, stylish manner.  Healthy? Damn right. These little babies are radiation free. So your brain can rest a little less toxic at night - perfect for long-distance lovers who spend free moments on the phone.

And, um... how does it work? These 3 easy steps bridge the language gap (there's some engrish on their website). They may want to change picture 3, however. It looks kinda ... toxic.

Dalai Lama's Rules for Living

Apparently, the Dalai Lama issued new rules for living at the advent of the new millennium. So, without further ado, and 9 years late.... here they are:

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
   
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the 3 Rs: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. (that seems naughty, but whatever)
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realise you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go or your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life.  Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Wow! This guy is good! Almost better than Oprah. hahahaha

Current Obsession: Alesha Dixon

This song, and the film clip is too much fun! Alesha Dixon is a bit of a mix of a vanilla pants-wearing Lady GaGa combined with some Britney Spears and plenty of Pussycat Dolls and the smooth voice of an Alicia Keys type. I LOVE her right now. 

Check out Let's Get Excited, and you should totally look for The Boy Does Nothing - it will stick in your head, I guarantee it. I know not everyone shares my pop fascination, but anything that gives props to Madonna's Vogue must be cute right? 

Clemens en August

So I finally decided to get my act together and post something on the blog. For my first appearance I've decided to highlight a great clothing label who is doing things a little differently. Their name is Clemens en August (http://www.clemens-en-august.com/) and rather than setting up shop and selling their clothes in a traditional store they have taken up a more nomadic existence. They are the world's first travelling fashion label - selling clothes by voyaging around the globe twice a year to the world's most fashionable cities (London, New York, Paris, Berlin, Tokyo).

How cute is this playsuit from their 09 Spring/Summer collection...if only I had the legs of a Japanese girl!

They are a Munich-based brand who prefer to avoid putting ridiculous mark-ups on their clothes normally required as a result of selling out of a traditional store. They set up in contemporary art galleries (such as the Chelsea Art Gallery in New York) for a few days at a time in each city before packing up and moving on to the next destination. The tags on their clothes also have the price of the item that you will pay and also the price that you would have paid had you bought it from a store...and let's just say it's a pretty interesting comparison. For example a silk wrap dress sells for JPY42, 000 but would have cost JPY100,000 if sold from a store...wow!

All I can say is that I think I'm going to check them out when they get to Tokyo in a few days time...

Film Reviews: The Wrestler & The Boat That Rocked

I don't think you can get two any more different films, although now that I think about it the films do revolve around males and male angst (more so in The Wrestler's case of course).

 

The Wrestler: If you are experiencing any feelings of angst, loneliness or existential crisis-y-ness then be warned - this movie is pretty damn melancholy.  Mickey Rourke is fantastic as aging wrestling star Randy "The Ram" Robinson.  Randy's glory days ended with his infamous fight with Ayatollah at Madison Square Gardens on April 6, 1989. Fast forward to 2009 and Randy is still bleaching his hair, lifting weights and getting spray tans to perform show matches at absolute dives - minus the glasses and hearing aid he now requires.  

The insight into the world of WWF is fascinating - it's a little family (when you're at the show, anyhow - Randy has no contact with other wrestlers outside of "work" other than to visit his "pharmacist" who provides every steroid and pain-killer you could possible want - oh, and some blow if you really need).  There's quite a bit of man-love in the dressing room, what with all the hugs and compliments flying around the place, and of course the pre-show conversations about the moves they'll execute.  It's amazing how much care is taken between the opponents for what is obviously a very violent, dangerous living.  The Passion of the Christ fight is awful, however - and I was horrified to learn that Rourke did all of his own fights and stunts himself.  

Randy also works part-time at a local supermarket to support his lonely trailer-park lifestyle.   There is an attempt at a relationship with Marisa Tomei's stripper, which is particularly poignant in the film's final scene, where we see the Ram and Ayatollah meet for one last time to celebrate the 20th anniversary of their sold-out fight in Madison Square Garden.  A life-changing event sees Randy seek out his long-lost daughter, played exceptionally by Evan Rachel Wood (although, hello! angst probably isn't too hard to fake when you're dating Marilyn Manson as she was at the time of filming).   Again, this relationship serves to illustrate the ultimate loneliness and hollow world that the Ram has come to inhabit at the end of what was once a stellar career. 

This is a great film in the way that Million Dollar Baby, Requiem For A Dream and Mystic River are great films - you never want to see them again.  The acting is exceptional (Rourke won a BAFTA and Golden Globe for his performance, and was nominated for an Oscar), the story perfectly restrained (the film is almost autobiographical of Rourke's own wrestling career), and I really feel it captures that awful discontent and, as one reviewer put it, the "howl of pain" that men can experience when they suddenly realise life hasn't become all they expected it to be.  The struggle in Randy's life is painful to watch, but at the same time, all too real.  4.5 stars.

A little bit of trivia - in Randy's final fight he is introduced to the stage to the sounds of Guns 'n' Roses' Sweet Child Of Mine which was Mickey Rourke's signature song during his own career.  Axl Rose donated the song to the makers of the film, as the budget didn't extend quite that far.  Axl Rose is thanked in the film credits, and in one of Rourke's acceptance speeches he actually thanks Axl Rose. God I love Guns 'n' Roses! There's a little bogan in all of us, I suppose! :o)

I can't believe this picture is on this blog either

The Boat That Rocked: Speaking of music... this film has one of the best soundtracks EVER! As I walked out of the cinema I thought I might buy the soundtrack, but then realised I have pretty much all of those songs already.

The Boat That Rocked is set on a rickety old boat which has settled in the North Sea outside of British territorial waters (wooh! international law! nerds are cool) so that the team of rock-lovers on board may broadcast their fabulous mash of 60s Brit-pop to secret listeners back home. Radio Rock is in constant peril from the British Government comprised of classical music loving Ministers hell-bent on closing Radio Rock down.  I mentioned male angst, didn't I? This comes in the form of the constantly smitten Simple Simon who is desperate for a real relationship (very difficult when your boat-mates are all male except the lone female - a lesbian to boot) and Carl, searching for his real dad (very Babe) and dying to pop the virgin cherry.

A nice cup of tea can solve anything

This is a classic romp, and for me the one era in which I desperately wish I could have lived in Britain (subsequent trips to London have not been as expected, and I suppose getting your tourist information from covers of The Beatles albums is probably inviting disappointment), hilariously acted by Bill Nighy (is it wrong to lust after him a little?), Rhys Ifans and Phillip Seymour-Hoffman.  There's not much of a storyline, but it's so much fun - the music is so great, the outfits glorious, the parties so much fun, and I just love all the cut-aways to the teens and young lovers bopping away secretly to this lovable bunch of pirates.  All those little transistor radios will have me scouring second hand shops for the next few months to come methinks. This is a must-see, and a perfect antidote for The Wrestler. 3.75 stars.

Happy birthday to me

Pic from Becheery

You guys are the best! (and I can't believe I had the restraint to wait... seriously. that was hard work!)

The heavy-handed responsibility of reaching my 30s is still many, many years away (*cough* 2). So to continue celebrating the recklessness, bad decisions, tequila shots, short shorts and existential epiphanies that punctuate my 20s, I'm having dinner at Libertine, the latest new opening at the fantastic Barracks development in Paddington - a fusion of French and Vietnamese food. Plus many cocktails to choose from.  According to the website, "libertine" means morally unrestrained, so I think it's a good match for me.  :o)

I'll review it on Sunday.

Maths I Can Understand

I Should Be Studying But...

Nicole Kidman's hot, backless, sequined dress has compelled me to stop saving the world for 10 minutes to say... She HOT! Woah! And look at how Keith is looking at her - and that hand. Firmly on the rump. Compare the obvious intimacy and sexy sparks going on between those two with Nicole's ex-husband and his brainwashed bride.... Hmmm... 

Sorry guys... I can't format. I will make it pretty when I have time.

Now is this really necessary?

seriously?!? WTF?

You can currently buy your very own Chanel guitar at these bargain basement prices:
HK$40,000 (approx AUD8K) for guitar
HK$51,400 (approx AUD 10K) for guitar and canvas bag
HK$83,400 (approx AUD 16K) for guitar plus leather bag

RIDICULOUS!!

Acronym Fantasy

RAFW (it's either Rosemount Australia Fashion Week or "raffle" from the mouth of the speech impeded) kicks off in Sydney on 27 April.

Frockwriter tells us that babe-with-a-camera (and a girlfriend) Scott Schuman will be in attendance - Garance Dore girlfriend in tow. As well as it being nice that they'd heard of Australia, it will be great publicity for RAFW. Some clever (probably Gen Y) staffer at NSW Dept of Tourism recommended inviting him, and voile!

Great news, and I will be keen to see the Sydney fashionistas profiled on The Sartorialist and Garance Dore. I'll also be interested to see how Garance takes to Sydney, being all Parisian and all...

Inside Topshop New York

None of my New York buddies who are just-as-Topshop-obsessed as I am actually got in to the store yesterday due to the masses of screaming crowds. (Not just 14 year olds either, Plum Sykes).

Topshop New York’s windows were designed by British illuatrator Jo Ratcliffe, and feature iconography reflecting the two worlds of fashion and the great British Aristocracy. More later...