Snapdragons and teapots: What's Black, White and Red All Over?

Not the newspaper, on this occasion.... But the Oscar's red carpet!

Today's Oscars red carpet was dominated by these, the simplest of hues. Although there were a few other colours on the carpet (yes, even a few purple dresses), the tone of the ceremony was really quite sartorially conservative. Thankfully, there were some sequins, but even they appeared in block colours and without drawing too much attention (although J.Lo did manage to draw attention to her lovely lady humps - no surprise there, though, and it was fairly mild by R&B standards anyway).

First with the blacks. The stand-out - primarily because of her chicken-bone thin limbs, was Angelina Jolie. I found her dress frumpily gothic. I did not love this one. I was also confused as to why she insisted on posing with her leg poking out. Was it a call to arms to Madonna? They are both as spindly as the other - perhaps this is a declaration of war between the white, gaunt limbs?

That said, her hair and make-up was lusciously divine. It wasn't a total disaster.

Rose Byrne has been going bananas for the sequins of late (she appeared in an all-white sequinned jumpsuit at a recent other awards ceremony). The black dress she chose for today was a definite improvement... Such a shame Bridesmaids didn't score any awards!

In red, we had some of the best dressed ladies of the day - Emma Stone (somewhat reminiscent of a red dress worn some time ago by Nicole Kidman) and Michelle Williams.

And of course, there were red sequins.

In a rare fashion mis-step, Natalie Portman appeared in an oddly mixed red dress with black polka dots.

And then there were the white frocks. For a change, very few of these dresses looked like wannabe-brides, and instead they all looked stunning. Unofficial best dressed of the day certainly went to Gwyneth Paltrow in her stunning floor-length jacket and equally gorgeous dress - topped off with a stunning diamond bracelet. The woman has style. She looked incredible.