Unhappily, yesterday I arrived home to discover my home had been broken into. Back door smashed in, pot plants in disarray etc. You know the drill. Gone was my laptop (among a few other things). Gone are all my photos - overseas trips, weddings, precious memories, fun times with friends - every job application I ever wrote, my application to New York which I worked so hard on (it's in my email - but only as PDF), my iTunes library which I loved in spite of constant ridicule (I stand by my love of the Spice Girls, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Guns n Roses and Britney Spears), my uni work and all my painstaking research, every piece of writing I did - published or unpublished - and worse, every WORK IN PROGRESS that I hadn't finished and was still beavering away at and hadn't saved anywhere but on my laptopo. In my brain, I was always putting the reminder to "snooze until next week" to back up the laptop.
I was a little surprised at my reaction. I went into zen state - sure, I was sad and I feel a wrench in my stomach every time I think of those photos and all those hours of work gone - but I just mumbled "it's only stuff". When I place it into the context of my life, and everything that's important to me - my friends, my family, my health, my brain, my current state of happiness - it doesn't really matter. If someone stole my laptop 12 months ago, we'd have had a very different girl. Tears, guilt for not backing up (that's still present, but not in the hideous way I am often affected by feelings of guilt), possible rage. Sure, I'd like to wring their scrawny little necks, but not really. Is happiness like Valium? Does it dull pain? I don't think so... But I sure think it helps reprioritise. There are certain thoughts that bring instant tears to my eyes - no matter my happiness - but they are for the things I know I truly value, and they sure as hell don't include many material objects.
So if your date doesn't call, and if your laptop disappears how much does it really matter? When we have so much more in our lives that make us what we are - treasures! - blips like this can hardly mean very much when we have the considerable gift of perspective.
Oh My F*$&ing Go- what is WRONG with people?? I want to wring their necks for you also. But I love that you haven't fallen into a complete heap over it. I am now going to the ACDC concert in Wellington tomorrow night - so excited, and I hope you can live vicariously through me - I'll give a full review on Sunday..
ReplyDeleteWhat little shits!!
xx
Ooooh...! Back in Black! Best song ever! At my girlfriend's wedding in Sydney the bridal party walked in to the room to Back in Black. So rockstar!
ReplyDeleteYes... Little bastards!
oh this sucks!!
ReplyDeleteOMG! You are handling this amazingly well! I feel zen from just reading your post! Well said. I hope I can have the same peace when wretched sh*t happens. It seems you've become to master on letting go, and I can taste the freedom it brings from here. Much love. xoxox
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