Watcha Gonna Do With All That Junk?

Swimwear. It's terrifying enough in summer, but when it stomps down a catwalk at the onset of winter, all sorts of panic sets in.  None more so than Kini Bikini with its Woodstock revival of crochet bikinis (this has to happen once per decade, and it being 2009 and all, someone had to do it).  Not only is there the fear of nipple exposure first out of the bikini, but now we must worry about it happening through the bikini (and don't even get started on the bear below who will be ruthlessly hunted down and waxed... oh. that was so inappropriate. I apologise, but do not delete).  I assume that, like its close relation the white bikini, there is some type of lining to help out.

Thank goodness - it's lined!

We have just had a huge dose of anorexia in the media this week, after some of our Miss Universe finalists and eventual winner doth protest too much about their "healthy, active lifestyle" which is apparently why at 19, on the onset of womanhood, these girls still have hip bones that are dangerously close to breaking through the skin, and stomachs which are close to concave. As one person commented, Miss Universe is becoming more like a catwalk than a beauty quest.  I wonder what Trump thinks about that, considering past winners have been healthy looking girls who look like they tuck into the odd steak.  Every year someone bitches and moans about skinny girls on the catwalk, and to them I say shut it.  Skeletons have been modeling clothes since forever, and I don't believe anyone suggests it's the ideal woman up there. That woman's job is to have a stunning/unusual face to match the stunning clothes and we do not want her body to distract from the clothes as they move down the runway. Breasts can be a distraction. So can cellulite. As it happens, the women most likely to not have distracting cellulite and breasts have not eaten for 3 years. The world of fashion is not meant to mirror reality.  That is its point. It's escapism. And we as consumers and fashion lovers do not want to see ordinary girls wearing fabulous clothes on a catwalk.  That is what happens in real life.  

However, in a fashion week which is pitched - let's face it - at department store buyers and the girls who will go shopping there after ogling the pictures all week, I wonder if there might not be a half-way between a Miss Universe healthy beautiful girl, and a catwalk-skinny beautiful girl. Particularly when it comes to swimwear? Compare Kini Bikini with White Sands (which is a lot like Jets in print and style).  I am a rabid consumer. I know I will never, never try on Kini Bikini because I have seen the body type it fits - and that body is nothing like mine.  I will, however, try White Sands. 

I'm sorry ma'am. We don't accept breasts or buttocks here.

White Sands.