Friday Funnies

Victoria Beckham (aka Posh Spice) is one of my favourite celebutards - she is a snappy dresser, sets many a trend (whether people will admit it or not!), she's a classic Pom, a walking stage-show and, despite being shamelessly over-exposed, I still love her. Plus, she is married to one of the hottest men in the cosmos - super inspirational. Even the way she dealt with his philandering was admirable - she staged a photo-op, a "suffer in yer jocks" to Rebecca tarty-pants-will-sell-my-mobile phone's-inbox-to-trashy-tabloids Loos, who lucked out in the end: she didn't get the guy, and in this Jane Austen world of ours, that's really all that matters. And, David appears to have learnt his lesson - his penis doesn't seem to be available to other women other than in big billboards for Armani underpants.

As well as the obvious superficial goodness of Posh, she always has the most hilarious quotes, which feeds my long-held suspicion that she is wickedly funny, self-depracating, and not the dumb-arse twig that she is oft-times portrayed as. And here we have some quotable quotes from Vicki B:

• I’m quite spiritual. I’m very good at visualisation. I was talking to Gordon Ramsay and David about this and they’re the same. Gordon visualises a meal, then prepares it. David visualises the goal. I’ll lie in bed and think, what kind of look do I want tomorrow? Then find pieces in my mind to create it.
• If you haven't got it. Fake it! Too short? Wear big heels. But do practice walking!
• Is my dress too short?
• I don't know much about football. I know what a goal is, which is surely the main thing about football.
• On hearing that Tamzin Outhwaite (I have no idea...) wouldn't mind a night with husband, David: "Firstly, Tamzin who? Secondly, I think it's disrespectful. And thirdly, as if, love".
• These people are amazing. It's so emotional, I was thinking about wearing water-proof mascara.
• I think they have this impression that I'm this miserable cow who doesn't smile. But I'm actually quite the opposite. I'm going to try and smile more for America.
• On David's penis: "He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!"
• I want a big house with a moat and dragons and a fort to keep people out.
• My Spanish is improving and I can now ask: 'Dónde Gucci?' ('Where is Gucci?'). I also can say: 'Tienes un Bentley?' ('Do you have a Bentley?').

This is a girl who isn't afraid to say she loves the finer things in life with her tongue firmly wedged in her cheek. God love her.